


To Fly, First Must I Walk

by maryjo24



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 12:48:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2851319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maryjo24/pseuds/maryjo24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, he would look into the horizons, into the deep blue sea, just to see a pirate ship from afar, and maybe if he was lucky, he could be a pirate, himself one day. But that is only one of many wishful fantasies of childhood, in the end he has to grow up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Fly, First Must I Walk

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for marilena172 for the spn-j2-xmas gift exchange. I hope you enjoy my very un-literal take on one of your prompts.

Ever since Jared had been able to trudge out on his own, out from under the watchful eyes of his parents, he would make the long trek from his house, up the long, winding trail until he reached the craggy cliff that hung out over the angry ocean below. As the harsh sunlight beat down and warmed the earth, he would sit in the mottled shade offered by the gnarled lone cypress tree that had clung desperately to the ledge since as far back as he could remember. Years had eroded the soil from around its roots and now only a few twisted, misshapen coils of wood held it tenuously to the cliff’s side and prevented it from becoming splinters on the reefs below. In his youth, he never would have contemplated how it was that it weathered centuries of adverse conditions and still stood defiant, but in the twilight of his years, he found comfort in its tenacity.

As he had so many times in the past, Jared sat down at the cliff’s very edge, his legs dangling free and stared at the waves as they crashed below into the wall of dirt and stone, like huge claws, gouging fresh scars into the sheer face. Over the years, the ocean had worn the cliff down, scraping it inward so that now Jared had to lean far over the edge to see into its bowl. He knew that it was only a matter of time that this ledge he perched on, his own personal haven, that it would lose so much of its foundation that it wouldn’t be able to support itself any longer. Cracks had already appeared on the surface he sat upon, cracks that would eventually dig deep and deeper until finally the ledge would shear off, falling and crashing below to become debris and flotsam, some of it would fill in crevices and build up the tide pools below, while the rest would be drug out to sea. There had been times, much darker times, that he had hoped it would take the final plunge while he sat upon it, making a decision for him that he was too cowardly to take.

Today though was not a dark time, but still he wished for it, it would be a fitting, poetic finale. This place that had been his playground, his sanctuary, and his inspiration, that it should also be the site of his final breaths seemed appropriate. For the first time in so many years, he felt content and complete. And finally to the question that had kept him going day to day, _what more is there?_ , he could answer with confidence, _what more does there need to be_? Yes, he could go today, and have no regrets.

Well, save perhaps one, Jensen.

When he was young, he would stare into the horizon, over the deep blue sea and imagine he saw a pirate ship far out. He used to dream and thought that maybe if he was lucky, he could be a pirate himself one day. Bouncing about on the ocean’s ebbs and tides, free of all cares, seeking his fortune or just a safe haven, it wouldn’t matter. His needs would be simple, food in his belly, soft bedding for his rest, a favorable wind at his back, and the mists of freedom on his face. That had been the first time he’d met Jensen. Jensen, the dirty-kneed, freckled boy who’d somehow found his way to Jared’s ledge.

It had been during his first summer on the coast, the family forced to move by his father’s job, away from his friends to a place where he knew no one. The excitement of exploration had already worn off, and it looked that the months coming up would be long and lonely. Until the day that Jensen had scampered up the path, stopping short when he saw Jared keeping watch from the ledge. With an easy grin, Jensen asked if Jared wanted to play, and from then on, the ledge was theirs. One day, it might be a fortress defending itself from the invading pirate fleet. Another day, it was the high plains where nomadic tribes roamed. On another, it might be a Martian landscape begging to be explored. Each day was a new adventure marked by the squeals of joy and the laughter of two lonely boys that had found each other. 

But too soon the summer came to a close and Jensen told Jared that he had to go away, that he’d already broken a promise and had spent too long in this place. To a child of six, it hadn’t meant much when the world was only as big as a backyard. Jared had taken it at face value then, after all, he understood children were at the whims of their guardians, years later though he would wonder at the curiously odd and cryptic sentiment coming from a boy barely older than he. So on their last night together, Jared was allowed to camp out with Jensen – his special friend, his parents called him, stopping short of calling him imaginary – on the ledge and they swore an oath to return to their special place every year, cut hands clasped together, blood brothers forever. But it would be years before Jensen kept that promise.

Things were simpler for children, promises made in summer nights would be forgotten in the light of fall and fade in the passing months. As Jared grew up, he came to realize that freedom and pirates were childish dreams and forgot about blood oaths and a grinning boy that had seemed to be everything out on the ledge. Although he tried to fit in, tried to be what he was expected to be, the taunts and cruelty of his peers told him that he had failed, that he was worth nothing. Beat down and feeling like an outsider, ravaged by all the changes that came with puberty, it was a much angrier youth that sought refuge on the ledge. By then he’d found some comfort in illustrating his bitterness on paper and the ledge became both solace and inspiration, his hands producing stark depictions of coastal beauty often with fanciful elements such as mythical fire beasts rising from the depths of the ocean. But as his drawings took on even darker aspects, roils of turmoil emblazoned by ink and charcoal, anger gave way to violent thoughts and threatened to overwhelm an adolescent youth on the cusp of adulthood. 

That was when Jensen returned.

He was older now too, sloe-eyed and beautiful, pierced and tattooed, and in full rebellion of life’s trials as well. But two angry youths rekindled their friendship quickly, and it was as if a decade had passed only yesterday. They were too old for childish games of pirates or explorers, but they found the yin to the other’s yang and spent hours debating the merits of girls (or maybe more of boys), the thrill of fast cars, and the failures of parents to understand. For the first time in too long, Jared felt as if he fit in a little better. And by the time summer was gone, taking Jensen away again, he rejoined the world with a better understanding of his place in it, and that maybe he didn’t have to fit it, perhaps it needed to fit him. 

On their last night out on the ledge, the sound of the ocean beating beneath there ledge and stars twinkling overhead, no oaths were sworn as by then it was understood, Jensen would return. Perhaps not the next year or the year after that, but he would be back. That promise was made in the near chaste press of their lips together, by the tentative exploration of their bodies. Jared wanted more, had begged for more, and once again, the enigmatic Jensen shushed him, whispered breaths _not yet, but soon, when you’re ready, there will come a time._ He slept soundly that night wrapped in Jensen’s arms. When the morning sun rose and warmed his face, he awoke alone.

Platitudes and promises whispered in the night soon turned hollow as society proved to be a condemning force not to be trifled with. Already an outcast, Jared wanted to be strong and stand tall in what he knew was just and fair, to keep faith with what he and Jensen had shared in a too short summer, but he was still young and the path he chose was difficult. People were quick to criticize and denigrate that which they didn’t understand or that fell outside of their own beliefs. He tried to remain true to himself and to what he had shared with Jensen, to be strong and stand for others. But it soon became too much, and not for the first time, he asked himself, _is this all there is, why do I even try?_

It was this doubt and despair that soon had him on that ledge, it was no longer his sanctuary, it had become more a symbol of what he couldn’t have and of things he had lost. His spirit near broken, he contemplated the vicious sea below, so simple to take just one step.

“So that’s all there is? All that you’ve done, all that you wanted to accomplish, and you’re just going to take one last step, give up?”

Jensen. And like that, everything else faded in its perceived importance. He wanted to be angry, to rail at him for disappearing, for not sticking around, to demand what gave him the right to judge. But as he turned and for one brief moment, Jensen was a flash of brightness, then all was forgiven and forgotten.

They came together for the first time, Jensen was like kindling, flaming the dying embers back to life. His kisses burned, his touches branded, and as he breached Jared, the sensations blazed in a cleansing fire. It would not be the last time, and by the time summer had once more come to a close, Jared was able to return, refreshed, and with new resolve.

The years would become decades, Jared found his footing and made his mark through his art and through his passions. Jensen was there throughout, albeit infrequently, but still finding him on their ledge during good times and bad. Ageless and aging, Jared never questioned where he came from or where he went, it was enough that Jensen was there. Over the years, interviewers had asked why, given his stand and the rights he’d fought for, there was never anyone permanent in his life, and he would smile, an enigmatic smile that would have done Jensen proud, and reply that there was and leave it at that. If was with that same assured belief that had brought him to his ledge today.

“Hello, Jensen.”

Jared stood up, and turned around, looking into the eyes of the man who had become his everything. He chuckled as even though arthritis had bent his spine, making him a couple inches shorter than he had been in his prime, Jensen still had to look up at him. Today he had chosen a countenance that belied the years they had been together. That should have been a larger deal than what it was. But it was only with a mild curiosity that he asked the question that he’d never wanted to before.

“What are you? Are you real?”

“Of course, but maybe the question should be, are you?”

“I never was.” Jared knew that now. It had all been a façade, a final act of rebellion against his true nature. But he knew that he had been right, how could one appreciate what they had, if they had never known what it was like to not have it?

“And maybe the more important question is; are you ready this time, or do you need another lifetime to figure it out?” 

Jensen moved closer, “I’ve been waiting for so long, I don’t want to wait any longer, but I will for you, however long it takes, however many lifetimes.”

And Jared remembered this lifetime well, each fleeting year, gone in a flash before the next one arrived. Each memory was vivid, it was the nature of what they are. Then there were thousands more, as the memories returned of past lifetimes, lived solely so that he could understand and appreciate.

And through it all, the one constant had been Jensen, his lifemate, his soulmate. He regretted not the journey he’d chosen, but he did regret forcing it on Jensen without the solace of forgetfulness that came for him with each new birth.

As the years fell away, he embraced Jensen, “I’m sorry.”

He felt Jensen stiffen, and sought to reassure him, knowing that his words had been taken wrong. But Jensen spoke first.

“Don’t be, however many times it takes. I understand now what you wanted and this time I’ll take the journey with you, and hope that we still find each other.”

And Jared smiled as Jensen’s arms wrapped around him, he’d been ready before and now he was certain, Jensen’s words, filling a void he hadn’t known until that moment had existed.

“No, you misunderstood, I’m ready now.”

Before him, Jensen eyes began to glow, his eyes flaring in a vibrant emerald green, as his smile grew. His flesh burned away into molten lava as he backed away, his arms stretching out to Jared.

“Are you sure, my love? If it’s one more lifetime or a thousand, it is all the same. I will be here every time.”

“This time I’m sure.”

With that, Jensen smiled broadly and swung Jared around, laughing his pleasure. Pulling him to the edge of the ledge, he leapt, “Then come with me, there are so many more worlds to see, so much more to explore!”

In his fiery wake, the lone cypress burst into flames. Its branches crackled and the trunk became a burning pyre before finally giving up its centuries-old resistance and pulling loose from its moorings. Jensen followed the ball of fire, flaming wings bursting from his back as his body stretched into the plumage of his tail. Jared laughed as Jensen rolled just above the surface of the water and rose back up, wings spread wide and tail flipping excitedly. With a fond farewell to the ledge that had been so much for him over countless lives, Jared spread his arms, closed his eyes, and pushed off the edge. The wind pushed his hair back from his face and at the moment he felt the spray of water kicking up from the crashing waves, he left the human body he’d adapted to so long ago morph into his true form and spread his wings to slow his descent. Spinning midair, he mirrored Jensen on his ascension, and with the sweeping of great flaming wings, the pair burst the surly bonds of earth. 

~FINIS~


End file.
